Fruits of Parenting

Quranic teachings on parenting help build a healthy society.

By Humeyra Kazmi | April 2022

The Quran clearly marks responsibilities of parenting. The parents are to be responsible for educating and guiding children and look after their moral and ethical upbringing and teach good values. The foremost is teaching of the Quran, in fact internalizing the Quran.

The Quran teaches us a way of life, family values, relationships and their importance. It teaches us not just manners and etiquette, but every aspect of life, hygiene, day to day life’s mundane concerns, dealing with businesses, transactions, how to behave and socialize, behaviour at home, respect to parents and elders, respect among siblings, caring for their rights, economics, law, jurisprudence, etc.

When two responsible adults, a man and a woman, decide to marry and bring up a family, unfortunately the glamour, the passion and the pleasure overshadows it all. The essence of this contract, the acceptance to be responsible, respectful and be caring towards each other, takes a back seat. Extravagance and showing off are not in the teachings of Islam.

The ‘Tarbiya’ (upbringing) is foremost in a Muslim family - to educate a child about morals and ethics, the right and the wrongs, to give them guidance and an awareness, whereas in today’s times, a definite move towards a Western style of parenting and educating has taken importance over Quranic teachings and Tarbiya. The very first lesson in a Muslim family is to begin with the ‘Bismillah.’ In Arabic it means, ‘In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.’

A child is to start learning the Quran at the age of about four years. Now, unfortunately, this takes second place and parents strive to get their three year old and, in some cases even a two and half year old, enrol in the best kindergarten or early learning schools and the general assumption is that much the fee, more fluent English speaking teachers, the style is the best start. Parents slog and do their utmost working hard and pushing the child to do their best, and mastering the English language, teaching Western style manners and values, while completely ignoring their own values, culture and language.

The Quran has perfected all aspects of life, values and manners, morals ethics, family values, rights of both men and women and parents and siblings, justice system. We learn from the direct teachings of the Prophet Mohammad (Peace be upon him), the hadith and the seerat.

It is for both men and women to lower their gaze and to dress modestly, but all has been changed in the Western perspective. Islam teaches control of our emotions as a form of jihad to be fought within the self. Every human being is responsible for their own actions and has been given full responsibility.

Parents are to guide, educate and protect their children. The father has to guide the son and the mother the daughter. It is for the parents to guide them about the misery, the disease, the sin and the punishment which comes with desire. Sex is not abhorred in Islam but kept within a marriage.

Education, both worldly and religious, is important in the upbringing of the new generation and ‘Tarbiya’ helps build a better society.