Let's Unite Pooches!

By Omer Bin Abdullah | January 2022

The news that more than one million people have signed a petition to have the ex-Labor prime minister Tony Blair’s knighthood “rescinded” was received with due grumpiness at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), which headquarters in Southwater in the Horsham, West Sussex, England.

The office’s recycle bin was still overflowing with champaign bottles that were uncorked when the RSPCA patron, no other than but Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II appointed Blair at the highest echelon, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter – not the plain, less than a dime a dozen knighthood.

RSPCA chair René Olivieri and Fiona Evans, director of people and culture, who had honors of leading the effort, were left astounded.

Olivieri scrolling his cellphone raised his fist in celebration, “Fiona, God save the Queen. Her realm still has some sensible people. Labor (Party) leader, Keir Starmer, has defended his predecessor’s record, highlighting Blair’s achievements said the honor is well-deserved… and he said there are strong views on the Iraq war. There were back at the time and there still are, but he means, Her Majesty has simply honored one whom President George W. Bush hailed as his poodle.”

“René, what surprises me that our canine population was estimated at 12.5 million in 2020/21. Not everyone has more than one dog. Aha… we are talking about at least about 12 million dog owners. Don’t you see a glimmer… a sliver of hope…”

“Fiona, yes… I can a wager that most of these one million who have written to Her Majesty may not even be dog owners…”

“René, you may be right. So, we have 12 million versus one million… Her Majesty knows that the people pay her more than £85 million yearly – for Americans’ sake, it is more than $116 million… she can’t overlook this. If Her Majesty is swerved away from this wise decision, we the 12 million should let her know loud and clear…”

“Aha, Fiona… as I said that Her Majesty’s realm still has a few sensible people. Here you are. Speaker of the House of Commons, Sir Lindsay Hoyle says that it was a fitting tribute for a former prime minister… respectful and the right thing to do.

“Do these one million objectors know that this honor was also given to Her Majesty’s daughter-in-law, Camilla… Expelling Sir Anthony will be like a backhanded slap in Camilla’s face… the future queen of the realm…”

“René, it is indeed a shame that it took Her Majesty more than 14 years to honor Sir Anthony…”

“Yes, Fiona that too after we, the RSPCA led a valiant effort to alert Her Majesty to this travesty of justice toward a person recognized as a poodle by our special friend, America!

“One of the most ridiculous objections that I heard is that Sir Anthony’s ennoblement is a kick in the teeth for the people of Iraq and Afghanistan. What! Really! Didn’t Sir Anthony nobly continue our glorious tradition of killing brown people? What a dedicated soul, never unflinching. You remember the most extraordinary moment of his lengthy speech, where he insisted 'If I was back in the same place, with the same information I would take the same decision because obviously that was the decision, I believe was right.’

“It is Sir Anthony’s contribution to our economy. Iraqi oil is vital to our long-term energy security, and the effective privatization of Iraq’s oil industry was central to his post-invasion plan. Didn’t British Petroleum obtain a technical review of the Rumaila field, the second largest in the world. By 2009, it had won a service contract to raise production on the field, which has 20 billion barrels of recoverable oil.

“And there is no fact on file that Sir Anthony has lied. Didn’t in 2003, he ordered then-defense secretary Geoff Hoon burn a memo written by then-attorney general Peter Goldsmith that said the invasion of Iraq could be illegal, when we and the Americans had failed to secure a specific UN resolution giving us international backing for the incursion.”

“René, it is time that we rally the pooches of the United Kingdom and Eire to unite and stand with America’s beloved pooch, Sir Anthony Charles Lynton Blair KG (Knight of the Garter).”